“I got so day drunk today, please tell me if I become Ramona Singer” - Mary
Mary: and then i asked that when he goes to vegas for his bachelor party that he only get lap dances from strippers age 25 or older
me: hes like - miss…I’m going to need to see some ID
and shes like “sorry, it’s in my other…thong”
Mary: i was like, “isn’t there a strip club called Cougars where they act like sexy teachers or librarians?”
me: yes, its called every bar in Walnut Creek
Mary: or the salt creek grille happy hour in manhattan beach
me: i mean can we just put them in a cage fight? i feel like that the logical next step here
except, that would be sad.
like two teddy bears fighting
or two baby rabbits
or two care bears
they’ll just care-bear-stare each other to death
If you are engaged and you are not planning on having custom forks, I say to that - erroneous.
If anyone out there gets married and doesn’t have custom forks, I will deem your wedding a total sham.
Well there goes my career goals.